The Ironies of Life 7/23/08

The hail striking my window makes a ping, smack, ping kind of sound. It's quite mesmerizing... It plays a background kind of track as I'm listening to the thoughts in my head. I'm finishing the very last page of an album and I just got all choked up. I wish it were because of finishing the album or the wonderful and patient client that it's for but regrettably not. I debated posting this entry because I don't usually post too many entries of such a personal nature but I want to be able to remember exactly how it is that I feel at this very moment. I know I will look back on this day and this blog and say to myself that the weight of all of these feelings were worth bearing , whew we made it through and the feeling of survival trumps everything.

I feel hopeful, sad, anxious, terrified, strong, supportive, apprehensive, reflective, angry but most of all positive. Combining all of these together is both a lethal and toxic blend.

My best friend has Kidney Cancer. Wow, that's the first time I've actually said/written those words. You can't see it, smell it or touch it so it's existence up until this point was like imaginary. She doesn't smoke or drink. She's lives a pretty healthy life. She's the first one to help if someone is in need although she admittedly loves animals more than people. She's spent the past 10+ years working in the worst of neighborhoods in Philly as a police officer risking her life everyday trying to keep the streets safer with little to no thanks from the impoverished communities that she works in..... Yet it's not a bullet, a drug dealer or some other crazy thug that is attacking her. It's Cancer.

The reality struck me as I received a text saying, " I have 2 be at the hospital at 7am 4 admission..." I got that text as I finished page 60 of this album. So tomorrow bright and early I will be off to the hospital - only I won't show any remnants of the vulnerability that I feel now. Just stoic strength and support while I wait as she has part of if not all of one of her kidneys removed.

I have spent the better part of my life capturing the moments that take our breaths away. Yet days like today make me breathless and moments like now help me to remember why the good times are so very good. So spend a little more time today savoring in the moments with your loved ones, marinate yourselves in them, squeeze them a little tighter, hold them a little longer and most of all be present...

This is the T-shirt she's wearing to the hospital tomorrow. I couldn't help but laugh when I saw it. It's true too, Cancer did pick the wrong Bitch. I told Lynn the other day that she was quite possibly the most stubborn person that I have ever known in my life and that she was a gazillion times more stubborn than Cancer could ever be.


I think this t-shirt should replace her uniform that she wears in to work. Do you think the city of Philadelphia will approve. Ha, ha probably not huh.

The website I found these T-shirts is Chucklenut Shirts
I'm a firm believer of the power of positivity so rather than feel powerless I think that humor and positivity go along way in fighting battles and winning them.